


Divine Mandate

by Anonymous



Series: Be Thine Own Palace [5]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anal Sex, Daddy Kink, Denial of Feelings, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, God Complex, High stress holds, Insane Characters, Kissing, M/M, Not Happy, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Palace nonsense, Parent/Child Incest, Rough Body Play, Self-Esteem Issues, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:02:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Still reeling from their night in the club, Goro comes up with a new idea…After all, what are palaces, anyway?Nothing more than fantasies.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Shido Masayoshi, Shadow Shido Masayoshi/Akechi Goro, Shadow Shido Masayoshi/Akechi Goro/Cognitive Akechi Goro
Series: Be Thine Own Palace [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752943
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44
Collections: Anonymous





	Divine Mandate

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the madness. Mind the tags.

This time, Goro thinks Shido’s eyes look angry. He’s been seeing anger there tonight for the first time. 

Which is strange because Goro has watched this video probably close to a thousand times. Or a million. Several million. He doesn’t know how many times. He doesn’t care. 

He lies in bed with all the lights on—guarding himself from the darkness, the blackness that lurks around every corner, waiting to swallow him if he just takes one misstep and lets himself feel—and replays the video on his phone. Over and over and over and over. For hours into the night. It has become his ritual to watch it until he falls asleep. 

Goro watches himself latch onto Shido and kiss him desperately. He sees his own face wearing an expression he’s never seen before. What the _hell_ is that face? He looks lost in the video. Hazy. Gone. Like his foothold in reality has been supplanted by a good dream. In the video, Goro is expecting Shido to reciprocate. He _knows_ he will. He’s so sure and then—

The expression on Goro’s face after the fact is familiar. It’s neutral. Numb. Distant, like his mind is operating in a separate hard drive and this is just the aftereffects of its processes. It’s the face he wears all the time now. 

…This world is garbage. 

Such disgusting, worthless, pitiful garbage. Trash. Filth. Nonsense. 

Goro blinks and restarts the video. His phone is still cracked from the other day. He hasn’t had a chance to replace it yet. He’s just been living with the cracks. They don’t really bother him. 

Moreover, Goro refuses to feel anything at all. 

Since the night they spent together in the club, he’s been shoving everything away. Stuffing himself with thick, cottony indifference. He won’t let himself remember the way it felt when Shido pushed him away. The rejection. The shame. The cruel pain. He won’t let himself remember the way it felt when Shido fucked him that time. The intimacy, the sweet lunacy, and the pleasure. He won’t let himself remember the way it felt when Shido held him. Patted his head. Told him not to cry and kissed his cheek. The…the—

Goro won’t let himself feel that. All of those things, the tender spots inside of him that burst into crystallized light every time he remembers… 

Goro smiles to himself. The good news is, he really has perfected this smile. This ‘I’m fine, I don’t care’ smile. Neutral but pleasant. Likable and straightforward. Everything Goro wishes he was and everything his fans expect from him.

Damn, he really is an expert at conjuring this smile. 

It’s easier to smile than to remember. Because if he remembers one thing then the other things will follow and everything will come crashing down like a house of cards. And so will Goro. 

He can’t fall apart. He can’t! There’s still something he needs to find a way to do…

He won’t let himself remember anything but the moment shown in the video. The push. The look on Shido’s face. Goro doesn’t look at himself after the first few times, he only looks at Shido. He rewinds the video to a span of about two minutes. He spends hours analyzing the two-minute video, clocking every micro expression that crosses Shido’s face.Every time he watches the video he sees something new. Sometimes disgust. Sometimes surprise. Sometimes fear. Tonight it’s anger.

Goro studies that video like a forensic scientist. Looking for any hint or clue of what Shido really felt when Goro kissed him. After a week of this, Goro can tell himself that he’s reaching a breakthrough.

But the truth is…

Fuck the truth. Goro is above the truth. He’s well beyond that now, isn’t he?

Goro smiles. Yawns. He’s getting tired. He closes the video and rolls over in his bed, trying to sleep. 

The lights stay on. A ward to keep the truth away. Light is Goro’s personal totem, his barrier against the lingering vestiges of honesty inside of him. The tidal wave of emotion he won’t let himself feel. 

He’s learned how to sleep in a room that’s completely bright. So bright that Goro can see it behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes. 

…Even then, there’s an echo of hollow longing and bone-crushing sadness in the moments before Goro drifts off to sleep. A begging feeling. The hands he’s known since childhood have grown mouths. Those mouths are screaming. Dying to be acknowledged. To be touched. To be…

_Come here, don’t cry._

_Just calm down. I’ve got you._

Goro wonders if the lightbulbs need to be brighter. He’ll stop by Akihabara tomorrow on his way home and check if they make brighter ones. He’ll get a new phone too.

He’ll take care of business.

______________________________________

“Our country is sick and weak. The only option we have is to stand up as a nation and rise against the forces of complacency that would drive us into the ground!” 

Several people standing next to Goro clap whole-heartedly. He’s standing in Shibuya station square watching Shido’s speech broadcast on a television for sale in some electronics store window. People move around him on their way to and from work, but a few have stopped to observe Shido’s speech alongside Goro. 

“I ask you today, citizens. Will you join me? Will you help me take a stand against the old men and decrepit entropy that has plagued us too long?” 

A loud-mouthed man behind Goro cheers. “Yes! I’ll stand with you Shido-san!”

A grey-haired man speaks to a woman wearing a paisley scarf and glasses. “About time someone stands up to the problems in this country. They’ve gone unchecked too long.” 

The woman agrees. “Here, here.” 

Goro slides a hand up his face. Buries it in his hair. He hides a smile behind his exposed wrist and shakes his head surreptitiously. 

These people really love Shido. He’s got them all wrapped around his finger. Dancing to his tune. If there’s one thing no one can deny, it’s that Shido is truly charismatic. He has everyone fooled into thinking he’s some lionhearted champion. 

Yeah right. The guy screaming his son’s name while he fucks a prostitute in the ass. Who regularly gets drunk enough to forget what he said and did the night before. That’s their champion? That’s the one these people are desperate to have lead Japan? 

If only they knew the things Goro knows. Not that they ever will. But…if only. If only, if only.

Although…

As the speech drones on, Goro turns his attention to the people around him. He can’t help but be reminded of the masked cruise ship patrons in Shido’s palace. These people are not elites, as Shido requires, but they are sycophantic enough to fit the same bill. They flock to Shido and applaud him for every word that comes out of his mouth.

The Captain would gobble up all this praise, wouldn’t he? Goro smiles as he remembers that shadow. The Captain would smile and parade himself (in the fancy feathers and tassels and medals of his uniform) in front of them with a look of smug satisfaction. And later on, he would grab that cognitive puppet of his and give it to him until he literally could not stand.

Goro stares at the ground. He’s been thinking about The Captain more and more lately. Ever since that night at the club. Goro watches the video and sees how cowardly and conflicted Shido looks. Part of Goro’s heart (a weak, shallow part that poses no threat, that Goro will let himself feel) dies in disappointment every time. 

Shido is really nothing like The Captain. He thinks he is, obviously. But he’s not. The Captain is ruthless and strong, physically and mentally. He lords over the palace with a calm, sure hand. Unhindered by doubts and insecurities, the things that plague Shido in the real world. 

That shallow part of Goro’s heart burns in anger and he thinks…

If Shido were a real man, he would fuck Goro the way he obviously wants to. He would fuck him the way The Captain fucks his tool. 

That tool…a shiver creeps up Goro’s spine the way it does every time he remembers that horrible puppet version of himself. He will never get over the trauma of seeing that creature with his own eyes, knowing its pitiful existence. Goro would almost pity that creature except it’s obvious how much he enjoys whatever The Caption does to him!

Revolting. Despicable. Goro visibly shivers and straightens his tie in a fit of anxiety. It’s unthinkable.

But…

Before Goro can follow that thought any further, he moves away from he crowd. He walks further along the square until he comes to the subway. That speech is playing on every TV nearby. Underground is the only place Goro won’t hear Shido’s words. 

As usual, the subway teems with warm bodies and their requisite smells. Perfumes and colognes (of various price tags), sweat and body odor, the metal of the trains and the cold cement of the platforms. There are dozens people talking all at once, into the phones or to each other. Trains screech in and out of the station. Feet hobble up and down stairs with varying degrees of determination. 

The subway station is sensory overload. Like always. Goro welcomes it. He likes any excuse not to focus on the thoughts brewing inside. He stands on the platform, checks his watch, and waits for the next train. 

His thoughts wander…

If Shido were anything like The Captain, he wouldn’t be so afraid of admitting his feelings. Clearly he loved fucking Goro that time in the palace. Why can’t he just be honest about it? 

Or, more to the point…why is The Captain so unashamed of fucking Goro while the real Shido can’t run away from him far enough or fast enough? Why is the distortion, in this case, closer to the real heart of Shido while the man himself walks around living a lie? 

Well. That’s what the metacognitive world is all about, isn’t it? The place where the curtain comes down on all the bullshit. 

It’s a fantasy world, really. A dream. The real world is not nearly as simple or as transparent as the metacognitive world.

Goro doesn’t know—he can’t even begin to fathom—the things going on in Shido’s head. What logic he’s using to justify his attraction to Goro, if he even acknowledges it at all. What reasons he has for keeping Goro away. What kinds of issues he’s working with to even have this kind of attraction in the first place, this kind of wicked lust and depravity. Goro has never known the reasons behind Shido’s whole deal, in spite of researching his past and present to the fullest extent. He probably never will.

The only clue he has to Shido’s honest feelings (besides the video, which is…hmm. Not as fruitful as Goro, perhaps, might find ideal), to the real heart of him, is: The shadow. The palace as a whole.

The train pulls noisily into the station. Goro’s mind is nowhere in the vicinity as he piles on and finds a place to stand. Not even the omnipresent hum of sensory information could distract him from his thoughts now. 

He should really spend more time in Shido’s palace. Like he used to, searching for ways to ingratiate himself with Shido. Bits of information. Clues he can use to suss out Shido’s subconscious wishes. Goro hasn’t been back since that debacle where they went in together. He wonders…

He wonders if The Captain is still fucking the cognitive version of himself. Is Shido still entertaining perverse daydreams about him? Has he blocked himself from imagining even that? If he hasn’t, if he is still fantasizing about Goro, is the shadow living it up with Cognitive Akechi every day? Then…does that mean—

Goro smiles as wide as he can. Eyes folding into crescents. Cheeks rising to meet his eye sockets. It doesn’t mean anything, he tells himself. Pushing his feelings down. Down, down, down. Even further down. It doesn’t mean anything. 

It certainly doesn’t mean…that Shido still wants him in spite of what he said that morning and that he will eventually—

It doesn’t mean that. 

It’s nonsense. More nonsense and garbage and a huge waste of time! Time that Goro doesn’t have! 

So it’s nothing. It’s not a possibility or a chance or even a thought in Goro’s head. 

A person next to Goro catches his eye. She’s looking at him worriedly. Oh. He stops smiling so big. He really should be more careful what he looks like in public. It’s not normal to smile to yourself on the train, unless…quickly, Goro pulls out his phone and scrolls through some cat videos. Giggling behind his hand. Covering up his mistake with a show of cuteness. 

The smile won’t go away anyway. Might as well make it work for him. 

The gears in Goro’s head are still turning. It wouldn’t be unwise to take another trip into Shido’s palace, he reasons. Just to see what Shido’s shadow is up to. What the internal state of him is these days. Try to find something to do with all this confusing data he has on Shido’s true intentions. Something he can possibly exploit, or maybe—

No, just exploit. That’s all. 

Goro puts his phone away and pulls his gloves down harder. Force of habit. He’s already making plans. Thinking about when he’ll have time to go into Shido’s palace. 

Just to see. 

____________________________________________

The ship hasn’t changed at all. Every detail that Goro can discern is the same. The rooms, the walls, the carpets, the decor. The people in their masks. The pageantry and the daruma. Everything is the same. 

So Goro knows exactly where he needs to go to find him. 

He’s the white prince of justice again. Pristine white uniform with a tiny red cape reminiscent of the Robin Hood persona he’s so proud of. His red crow mask. This is the costume that fits in with this place. It makes sense that he’d wear it to fit in…

And also because…if he was the black mask right now he would be forced to remember…

(Papa tearing off his clothes with one mighty sweep of his hand. Leaving him in nothing but shreds and claws and his boots…)

Smiling wide, Goro walks confidently to the ship’s helm. 

He doesn’t remember that. He doesn’t remember any of it. Not as the white prince. The prince isn’t touched by that filth. He doesn’t need to be.

Goro doesn’t need any of that. 

He can sense The Captain before he fully sees him, steps away from the doorway to the small room that serves as Shadow Shido’s holy throne. The Captain doesn’t need an actual throne (and the audience hall on the main deck would serve as a place for the other cognitions to venerate him). But the helm is where Shido exacts his rule. It’s the privilege and duty granted to him by his status as captain. The seat of his control. The place where he steers the elites on board his ark to safety. Or to the future. Whether or not that future brighter than where they are now, it doesn’t matter. Shadow Shido is the one in control.

Goro sees his silhouette and the outline of his back. The feathers, tassels, and spikes sticking out from his head and his shoulders. These are not a ward against enemies—no one would dare—but a status symbol. A mark of pride. A sign that Shido believes he has earned his status by waging war and winning, like the kings and warlords of ancient times. He’s a decorated captain with unquestionable success.

He’s not wrong. In this world, anyway. The fantasy world. 

Something in Goro’s heart lurches before he has a chance to stop it. He licks his lips subconsciously. Shido is taller in this world. Or at least he seems to be. 

And he’s humming an old enka tune. It’s a different one than last time. The last time when—

Or, whatever. Not that Goro remembers. He doesn’t.

The wooden boards creak under the weight of The Captain’s feet. His humming reaches a crescendo and suddenly he’s belting lyrics in a smooth, dark baritone:

“It is necessary to weigh the law against human nature.  
The law man is heavy.  
My friend from childhood, Kannon.  
My mind is my outlook.” * 

Goro freezes. He’s never heard Shido sing before. He has a nice voice! It’s mind breaking, but it’s true. His voice is the burn of sake sitting on fast-melting butter. It’s rough and strangely pleasant. Gone too soon. Goro is almost sad when he stops. 

“I know you’re there, kid.” 

It takes Goro a solid ten seconds to realize Shadow Shido is speaking to him. When he sees the side of The Captain’s face turn towards him, his yellow eyes glaring and staring directly at him, Goro takes a step back. 

So. He’s been found out. 

“Might as well come out and face me. Like a man.” Shadow Shido leaves his post at the steering wheel and looks at Goro. Arms slowly crossing over his chest. Wearing a half-smile unique to the Shadow (Goro can’t remember such a wild, challenging look on Shido’s face before, such an unnerving, inhuman stare). 

Goro’s smile soldiers on. He shrugs, arms akimbo. “I wasn’t hiding,” he lies (well, it’s half true. He did intend to speak to the shadow at some point). “So there’s no need to get defensive and hurl insults.” 

The Shadow sizes Goro up several times. His eyes go impossibly wide. Showing the whites. “Defensive?” He laughs lowly. “I don’t need to defend myself from you. You’re an intruder, yes, but I’ve known about you for some time. And I know, as you do too, that there’s no reason for me to worry.” 

It’s quiet. Goro can hear water lapping at the sides of the ship. The helm is close enough to the ocean’s surface. It sounds…real. It makes Goro feel uneasy. 

Obviously, this is the first time he’s ever spoken to Shadow Shido in person. Face to face. It _is_ weird. He knows that Shadow Shido is not real, that he’s basically a figment of Shido’s imagination, and yet…he’s known this shadow for a long time. Long enough now that Goro has to admit…he has to admit that this shadow doesn’t just live in Shido’s head.

He lives in Goro’s head too.

“Good,” Goro answers. Looking around the helm as if he’s curious about it. As if this is the first time he’s seen it. “So we can speak candidly with one another.” 

In truth, Goro doesn’t know what the shadow meant when he said that he doesn’t need to worry about him. Probably it’s something to do with Shido’s cognition. That Shido sees him as an ally (a tool) and not someone here to harm him. Which is hilarious because all Goro wants to do is harm him! Destroy him! Ruin his peace of mind! And yet Shido would not see him that way. So neither does the shadow.

Unless…there is some other meaning to his words. In that case, Goro has a few ideas. But he doesn’t want to linger on them too long. So he keeps smiling and puts on the good detective act. It’s his default. His knees locked from tension when he got found out, so Goro makes himself take a few steps forward. Just to show that he’s comfortable here. He makes himself seem unbothered and natural. His best act. 

“It’s been a while since you’ve been here,” the shadow continues. “Over a month, right?’ 

Goro’s hands twitch. That’s exactly right. How does the shadow know…? Most shadows aren’t aware of the passage of time in the outside world. Not precisely, anyway. This one seems different. 

“…So you can sense me, then?” Goro asks, putting the pieces together. “Whenever I come into your palace?” 

“Of course.” Shadow Shido is still staring at Goro. Not giving him even a moment’s break from his eyes. Those startling yellow orbs. Unflinching. Seeming not even to blink. “This is my ship. I’m responsible for everything that happens here. I know everyone who comes in and out. Especially you, Goro. I would remember you.” 

Hearing his name from Shadow Shido’s lips does something to Goro. His first name, his intimate, personal name. The one Shido called out when he was—

_You smell like lavender and lemon. There’s no one else in the world who smells like that._

_Goro, tell me you like it!_

A ripple of heat and shattering honesty snakes through Goro. Settles in his legs. Makes his knees tremble for a moment. He clenches his fist tightly to keep himself together. 

If Shadow Shido calls him Goro, then…

Well…he just didn’t expect him to. He calls the other one Akechi-kun, doesn’t he? So how is there a difference between them—

“You used to come in here all the time,” Shadow Shido narrates. From memory. “You’d make conversation with the patrons, meander around the different rooms. A few times you even sat in the audience for my speeches in the theatre, didn’t you?”

It’s all true. Goro’s heart is racing now. He didn’t know the shadow knew that much! The exact details of what he’s been up to in the palace! 

A horrifying thought clutches his ribs. Does that mean he knows that Goro saw…? That one time…?

“So what made you stop?” How has Shadow Shido gone this long without blinking?! He’s staring at Goro ruthlessly! Staring and staring! 

Goro’s speeding heart has turned into nerves. He’s nervous. His stomach churns. He came in here ready to talk—he wanted to speak with the shadow to see if there was any semblance of truth left in this man, to see what kind of man Shido really is—but now little things are distracting him. His name. The atmosphere. Shadow Shido’s unblinking eyes. This new reveal. 

“I have my reasons…” Goro offers. A pitiful excuse. Purposefully dodging the question. (Does he know about Shido coming into the palace then?! About what they did?!) 

Shadow Shido nods. “Go on.” 

Goro shakes his head. “None of those reasons are things I intend to share right now. I’d much rather get to the point.” His voice isn’t so polite anymore. His real side is coming out. He sounds impatient. 

Yeah, Goro can hear himself going there. But he can’t stop it. He’s been caught off guard and he _hates_ that. So much.

Why does Shido do this to him every time. Even the fake one. Shido makes Goro feel like he doesn’t have a leg to stand on and that he’s grasping at straws—

“Alright, then.” Shadow Shido is smiling at him. Fucking smiling at him. Like he’s granting him this huge indulgence! “Get to the point.” 

A snarl works its way to Goro’s mouth. Anger laps at the inside of his throat. “Tell me, Shido. Is every word that comes out of your mouth in the real world a lie? Or are some of them the truth?” 

Shadow Shido seems legitimately surprised. His eyebrows recede upwards into his helmet. So Goro keeps going. 

“Are you entirely full of nothing but shit? Or just partly?” The snarl turns into a sneer. Goro is proud of himself. 

No one ever challenges Shido. Goro wants to do it. Just once. Just to see what happens. 

Shadow Shido’s smile fades. Slowly it becomes a frown.

What a charming look, Goro thinks. Fighting back laughter. An insulted Shido! It’s picturesque. 

He keeps going. “I used to think your bullshit was meant only for the public, so that you could get people to like you enough to vote for you. But now I think you’ve bought into your own hype. Did you con yourself too? By mistake or on purpose?” Goro’s words pick up speed as he goes on. He’s talking so fast. “Did con yourself so good that you can’t tell the difference between the lies and the truth—ah—!” 

He loses time for a few seconds. Or at least, that must be what happens. Because before he can finish his sentence Shadow Shido is suddenly in his face. Standing practically on top of him. In another second—or less—he rips the mask off Goro’s face. 

Shit! He wasn’t ready for his face to be bare! He didn’t think he ever would take his mask off while he faced the shadow because he doesn’t want him seeing anything he shouldn’t! Shocked, Goro gasps when his face is exposed. 

Then, without any warning, Shadow Shido slaps him across the face. Hard. _Really_ hard. Goro’s ears are ringing and his jaw feels loose and achy. He lurches to the side, absorbing the impact, and clutches his stinging face indignantly. 

Fuck…it’s been so many years since Goro was hit like that…

When he turns back to the shadow, Shadow Shido slaps him again. On the other side of his face. The force of that hit is so strong it knocks him off balance and sends him right to the floor.

Unbelievable…! Humiliating! Goro clutches his chest in rage and tries to summon Loki.

But then he catches sight of Shadow Shido’s boots. The man is standing awfully close to him. Goro has been on the ground before. He knows what comes next when you take a beating. Before he can do anything else, he scrambles away from Shadow Shido as fast as he can. Until his back hits the wall. 

Shadow Shido doesn’t move. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and continues frowning. As if nothing happened. As if this is normal. “What happened?” he asks. “I thought he fucked you good enough last time when you were both in here. You should be happy with that, right?” 

He sounds genuinely confused. Goro holds his face (which is already swelling) and stares at him in horror. He knows. He knows, he knows, he knows, alright, he _knows_ …God damn it! 

Shadow Shido shakes his head slowly in disbelief. “Well, that’s what I thought, but. Here you are. Running your mouth like he hasn’t broken you in properly.” He crouches in front of Goro so that they’re eye level. “What’s going on here?” 

Goro sure as hell doesn’t want to take this any further. “Come forth, Lok—”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his summoning. Shadow Shido grabs him by the collar and lifts him clear off the ground. His strength isn’t normal. Far from natural, he’s superhuman. Well, he is a shadow, but Goro has never been lifted off the ground in one hand before. By a man who’s not even straining. As if Goro weighs absolutely nothing. 

He scratches Shadow Shido’s hand and growls at him. “Let me go, you bastard!” 

Shadow Shido ignores him. He moves Goro from side to side. Examining him closely. As if trying to see through some trick. Then, he leans in, buries his nose in Goro’s hair and _sniffs_. 

“…Ngh…” Goro can feel the force of that inhalation. It sends goosebumps running through him. Everywhere. He can feel Shadow Shido’s presence and it’s similar to _his_ —to his—to his p…his father’s—

Goro can’t hold back the tiny whimper that escapes him. 

Shadow Shido chuckles. Low and dark. It makes the goosebumps on Goro’s skin even worse. Beneath his prince costime, Goro can feel other horrible things happening. He’s sweating. His skin is sensitive from the hairs standing on end. And his…oh, shit, his nipples are so hard. Grinding against the fabric of his clothes and making it difficult to think—

“I see.” Shadow Shido sniffs him again. Next to Goro’s neck. This time, Goro doesn’t even try to hide the soft moan that comes out in response. 

He wants the shadow to keep his face there. Right there. On his neck. It’s so sensitive and it feels…

“He hasn’t fucked you since that time, has he?” Shadow Shido rumbles in Goro’s ear. “He’s left you all alone.”

Yes! Goro wants to cry. His lower lip quivers. But he catches himself by biting his lip as hard as he can.

“No reason to deny it. Not to me, at least.” Shadow Shido presses a kiss to the side of Goro’s neck. Wrenching a loud cry from somewhere deep inside, a place that Goro thought he’d long since buried. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but the truth is obvious. I can smell it.” 

Goro is quaking from head to toe. He grips Shadow Shido’s hand. Not pushing him away anymore. Now he’s holding on. For dear life. He can’t move because he’s suspended in midair, but…but he wants to…he wants to wrap his legs around Shadow Shido’s waist. He wants to coil around him and never let him go. He wants to shove himself against the buttons and sashes of Shadow Shido’s uniform. He’s so hard between his legs…he got there in no time at all. He’s hard everywhere, his whole body is at attention. Riled up and aching—

He hasn’t let himself feel this in a long time. Not since that night at the club. Goro hasn’t entertained a sexual thought about anything since then. He hasn’t touched himself once. He’s been living with that smile and the deep, deep denial. Because he was so afraid that if he felt anything he would explode in agony and need—

And here is Shadow Shido. Chipping away at Goro by speaking to him like this. By refusing to accept Goro’s own artisanal brand of bullshit. By saying the truth loudly where they both can hear:

“You still want him, don’t you? You need him. Now more than ever.” Shadow Shido puts him down on the ground, but doesn’t let go of his shirt. “He hasn’t been taking care of your needs. And that makes you…”

Shadow Shido runs a heavy, thickly gloved hand through Goro’s hair. Goro feels like he’s about to melt into the ground. He’s liquid, a puddle. He can barely stand.

Before Goro can get himself together, Shadow Shido’s other hand grabs the disgustingly obvious bulge in Goro’s pants. He tightens his grip and brings his voice down. Suddenly intimate. “That makes you…like this.” 

It does. It does, it makes me so hard and so desperate…Goro moans brokenly. His cock hasn’t been touched in so long! Not even his own hands have been there! And now Shadow Shido is gripping him with all his manly strength and Goro feels like a piece of spun sugar about to shatter—he’s wet. He’s aching. Being touched blocks out everything else in Goro’s mind. His whole life is in Shadow Shido’s firm hand. 

His mouth trembles around the words that won’t come out. He holds onto Shadow Shido’s wrist. Not pushing him away. Not asking him to move. He can’t do either. He’s stuck. Because the force of his full need is way, way more than Goro could have anticipated and now he’s losing himself to it. 

They’re flush against each other. Shadow Shido kisses the side of Goro’s head and says, gently (somehow fucking gently!), “My poor boy. It must be hard for you to live without his cock, isn’t it?” 

…Yes…yes it’s been so hard—

But the words in their honesty make Goro feel sick. They’re true, no doubt about it, but Goro doesn’t have to admit that! Not to himself and especially not to this fairytale cooked up in Shido’s mind! 

Breaking the spell of his own desire, Goro shoves Shadow Shido away. He pushes him in the chest and swats his hands. (Those big, perfect hands…) 

Then he screams, “Shut the fuck up!! Don’t act like you know me, you lying son of a bitch!” 

Shadow Shido pauses for a moment. Finally, he sighs. “Ah. I see. So that’s how you want it?” 

Goro’s eyes twitch. He’s about to jump off the side of this ship and swim his way to shore. He could probably pull it off, running on the sheer force of his rage alone. But he has no idea what the shadow is talking about. 

Until…he does. 

Shadow Shido grabs Goro by the arm. He moves with inhuman speed so Goro can’t hope to stop him. With no effort at all, he pins Goro’s right hand to his left shoulder blade behind his back. Pulling his muscles as far as they will go. Locking him in place. It hurts, for a second, and then it doesn’t. Goro’s arm goes numb. Still, he cries out when Shadow Shido pushes his down. Forcing him to bend at the waist. Like he’s bowing. 

He’s trapped. In this position, with his muscles stretched taut, Goro can’t move an inch or else he thinks he might rip something important. He can’t fight because he’s looking down and his other hand is too far away. He can’t kick because then he’ll topple over. He can’t even summon his persona because he can’t focus on a single thing.

He’s got him. The shadow won.

…Shit.

“You…I hate you…!” Tears of indignation spring to Goro’s eyes. This is a mortifying position to be in, because of him! Of all people! He can’t stand losing and now he’s lost to…

He’s pathetic. It’s his own fault for losing. He lost the mental game first. That was his fatal mistake. 

And now he’s at Shadow Shido’s mercy. 

“Relax.” Shadow Shido runs a hand down Goro’s tight back. He squeezes the muscles here and there, as if checking something. Is he checking to see how much damage he’s doing? How much control he has? Or how much pain Goro is in? 

Goro can only let himself be manhandled like an animal being sold for meat in the marketplace. 

A strong hand (that Goro cannot see in this position, all he can see is the floor) rests on his ass. Feeling him up. Massaging the muscles there. 

“Fucking pervert…” Goro hisses. If he has no way of escaping, he might as well spit insults. It’s the only recourse he has right now. 

Shadow Shido just laughs. Squeezes his ass harder. “Is that what I am? I’m the pervert?” 

He runs a thick finger along the outline of Goro’s crevice. The place that never feels full anymore. A place that Shido wrecked and then immediately ignored. Not letting Goro heal. Leaving the wound bloody. Keeping Goro in a state of perpetual, unsatisfied need. Forever. 

He grunts as his hole twitches from the attention. Even under layers of clothes and gloves. Goro can feel himself opening. Wanting more.

“What about you?” Shadow Shido’s fingers search lower. They find Goro’s balls and fondle them expertly. “You were the one begging to be fucked that time, weren’t you? I remember. This palace remembers.” 

On cue, an ethereal voice emerges from the walls around them. Echoing in a way that doesn’t make sense. Goro’s heart darkens as he realizes who’s voice that is.

“I want it! I want it so bad! Please, please! Let me have your cock, Shido!”

It’s Goro’s voice. That’s what he said that time…

“M-move…p-please…move!” 

No, God, no! He didn’t! It wasn’t! …It wasn’t like that! He didn’t sound so desperate that time! He was just…he just…

The stuffy cotton of denial that Goro has been using to stave off all his feelings starts to unravel. Every moan and heavy breath he hears from the walls around them makes the process go faster. Bit by bit, Goro can’t help remembering that time…

Shido in his full bare-chested glory, with his arms around Goro. Throwing Goro’s legs over his shoulders like an old pro. Licking him open until all Goro could think about was how amazing it would feel to be one with him…and then Shido gave it to him just right, hard and perfect and wonderful. Stuffed so full, Goro couldn’t help cumming and cumming. He lost control of himself. He felt his own sanity leave him as Shido fucked him so deep, branding him with his cock. Leaving his mark in a place no one else could touch or reach. 

That deep place—the furthest inside reaches of Goro—still aches with the memory. He feels the organs and muscles in that place flutter with need. He wants that cock there again. _Right_ there. No, he needs it! He’ll go crazy if he doesn’t get filled with his papa’s cock—

He can feel himself breaking down. 

His legs give out and Shadow Shido lets him fall to his knees. The shadow kneels next to him, keeping him locked tightly in that agonizing position. 

“You sounded so honest, Goro.” Shadow Shido’s voice is not mocking. He sounds…what’s the word for this? Is is sympathy—no, it must be sarcastic. That asshole.

Goro can only shake his head no as tears spill from his eyes. He hates this so much! He was an idiot for trying to come here—for what?! Nothing! How could he have let this happen!

…Except…

Wasn’t there a part of him that secretly hoped…? When he remembered how the cognitive version of himself got it so good from the shadow, wasn’t Goro actually a little jealous? Wasn’t he thinking that maybe there was some way The Captain would want to do the same thing to him? If Shido wouldn’t? 

Isn’t that the real reason he came here?

“I wish you could be honest with yourself now,” Shadow Shido continues. “Your honesty is so beautiful.” A hand comes to Goro’s face and wipes away his tears.

Goro wants to bite that hand. But he doesn’t have the wherewithal at the moment. “Fuck you…” he cries. “…do you get off on this, you sick fuck…making fun of me…?” 

With his free hand, Shadow Shido keeps wiping away the tears as they fall. Brushing his thumb against the bottom of Goro’s eyes. “I’m not making fun of you, Goro. It’s the truth. You’re beautiful when you’re not running away from what you really want.” 

Goro knows the words are lies. He knows that. But he cries harder anyway. It hurts to hear that kind of thing when he knows… “You’re such a shitty liar!” he screams. 

He turns his ruined, tear-stained, snotty face to Shadow Shido and sees a surprising expression there. Shadow Shido isn’t smiling. He’s not sneering or laughing. He seems serious. Thoughtful, even. 

What the hell is that face? 

Goro can’t look at him. He closes his eyes and turns away. Everything inside of him is a complete and utter mess. He can’t follow the thread of any one feeling and arrive at an explanation. His emotions are all tangled into a gordian knot that he doesn’t have the time to sort out.

He just knows that he’s hurting. Pain. It’s familiar. But this is the internal pain that Goro spends his life trying to hide from. 

Shadow Shido sighs. Long and slow. He says, almost to himself, “He’s got so much work to do on you and he hasn’t even started. It’s such a shame. What a waste…” He takes a breath. “Well. If he won’t do anything, then I suppose I’ll have to start. One of us has to.” 

That treacherous hand is back. Stroking the side of Goro’s face. “You are too exceptional to suffer like this.” 

That word sticks in Goro’s mind. ‘Exceptional.’ What does Shadow Shido mean by that? The murkiness of his own thoughts makes it impossible to guess. But part of Goro takes that word and holds it. Treasures it. Hides it. Keeps it safe for later.

Puffy red shadows emerge from the floor. Goro knows enough to understand that this is the magic of the metacognitive world. He braces himself as the shadows—thick like tentacles—crawl all over him. In a sigh, they disappear. Taking all his clothes with them.

Goro reflexively curls forward when he realizes he’s naked. His first instinct is to hide his vulnerable parts, but…when he bends forward, it leaves his ass up high in the air. 

He can’t hide.

He’s never seen magic like this. So precise that they could leave him unharmed and just take his clothing…not only that, being naked at The Captain’s feet is surreal. Goro clicks his teeth in disgust, at the same time his cock trembles where it strains tight against his stomach. The Captain can see everything now…there’s no more subterfuge or hope of lying.

The truth is written on Goro’s body. He wants this. He always has. Even before he came here. He was dying to have this. To have _him_. 

He can’t really deny that for much longer. Naked and dripping wet. But, he’ll still try.

Realizing the position he’s in, Goro looks up at Shadow Shido. Staring at him from the corner of his eye. Waiting to see what that shadow will do. 

And of course, Shadow Shido is eyeing him like a full-course meal served up on a plate. That lascivious old bastard. He stares like he’s never seen this before, when they both know…well. 

“Mmmm…” The Captain hums and runs a hand from Goro’s chin down to his stomach. Taking his time. Touching every inch of him. He strokes Goro’s abdomen, deliberately avoiding his cock, and reaches around. Fondling his haunches. The back of his thighs. The thickest parts of his ass. 

He’s doing it all one-handed, but Goro feels like he’s being touched everywhere all at once. It’s overwhelming. He gasps, closing his eyes. His body shakes uncontrollably every time The Captain touches him. He can’t stop! 

The hand snakes up the inside of Goro’s thigh. Still not touching his cock. Rubbing the highly sensitive skin on the highest part of his leg. Tracing a thumb over the seam on his balls. A place no one has ever touched before. Goro yelps when he’s touched there. It’s too much! 

Shadow Shido makes a noise of approval. “Your body knows what it wants. You’ve been craving my hands, haven’t you?”

“…” Goro says nothing. He can’t help noticing it’s the first time The Captain said ‘my’ and not ‘his.’ What does that mean…? 

“Your skin…” The gloves on Shadow Shido’s hands melt away in red shadows. Bare handed, he traces the whole path again. Starting from Goro’s chin. “Real skin is…” 

He doesn’t finish the sentence. It hardly matters, Goro can’t hear him anyway. Having The Captain’s bare hand on him is—

“Nnnh—mm!” Goro is fighting with all his might to keep his hips still. When The Captain’s hand comes to his abdomen, he wants more than anything to push his cock into his hand. To get some friction. He knows how amazing it will feel to be touched skin to skin. He wants it!

But The Captain still isn’t touching his cock. He seems fascinated with the curve of Goro’s hip. Tracing the protruding bone over and over. 

…It still feels great. 

Goro realizes he’s a goner. There’s no way he can fight this anymore. He’s already lost. So if he surrenders now it won’t make too much of a difference. And if gives in…then maybe he’ll get to have…

The Captain was so strong last time. When he fucked that other Akechi. He didn’t even break a sweat as he pounded him into oblivion. Over and over, until he thought that creature had enough. Or until he was ready. Goro remembers when Shido did the same to him and his mouth starts to water—he swallows hard and wishes—

Please…

The Captain is stroking the inside of Goro’s thighs again. Pushing his legs apart to get a better look. Goro spreads his legs without thinking. He’s offering himself now. He’s seconds—literally seconds—away from asking for it. From begging to be touched. The word is caught on his teeth, which he’s clenching as hard as he can. Trying to hold it on. 

Please…

He won’t say it! He can’t! Because once he says it he’ll never be able to deny anything ever again! And then he’ll have to face it all…!

The Captain grabs a handful of Goro’s balls. Massaging them in a way Goro has never done to himself. His body tightens in anticipation.

Shadow Shido coos in his ear, “You are exceptional in every way. Such an amazing body. I’m…he’s a fool not to take advantage of you. I’d be enjoying you every day. From sunrise in the morning to the stroke of midnight.” He smiles. “You can bet your sweet ass I would.” 

The words—they can’t be true, obviously, it’s just tricks—are a balm on the festering wounds inside of Goro. A touch of cool relief where there was searing pain. A bandage. Wrapped carefully around the eviscerated parts of him.

Does he…?

Does he really want me that much…? 

Goro won’t let himself hope, but he can at least try to process what he’s hearing.

He looks The Captain the eye. Trying desperately to read the shadow’s face. He holds his wrist with one hand and the other…he slowly rests it on Shadow Shido’s shoulder. Moving closer. Trying to show him, without words, that he wants more.

The Captain is waxing philosophic. “Maybe it’s for the best that we don’t live in the same world.” He bends down to lick one of Goro’s nipples. Flicking it with his tongue. “You’d never get any rest if you were with me.” 

Goro isn’t prepared for the electricity of that tongue. He gasps and rides out a series of harsh shudders. His cock throbs in time to The Captain’s tongue. His penis is linked inexorably to his poor tortured nipples, the ones that are getting teased just the way they like. 

He tightens his hand around Shadow Shido’s uniform. Fisting the shoulder pads. Holding on. 

When he’s had enough of sucking Goro’s nipples, The Captain bites Goro’s collar bone. Hard enough to leave a mark. While Goro cries out in pain and pleasure, the shadow says, calmly, “I know humans can’t tolerate too many rounds one after the other like that.” He shakes his head sadly. “It’s an unfortunate failing of yours, I’m afraid.” 

Goro can barely see straight. The Captain won’t let go of his balls, and his tongue is everywhere…why won’t he just touch him properly? Finger him or stroke him? Desperate, Goro presses himself against the medals on The Captain’s chest. Wordlessly begging for attention. 

“Hm?” Shadow Shido looks down at him. “What is it?” 

“…Sh….Shido….” Goro mutters. His balls throb in The Captain’s hand. Itching for release.

“If there’s something you want, I need you to say it with your own mouth.” Shadow Shido’s fingers inch closer to Goro’s gasping hole. The place where he _really_ needs him. “You need to admit it. That’s the only way.”

“Nngh!” Goro buries his face in The Captain’s medals. Hiding. He knew that this would be the stipulation, but there’s no way he can…

“Although, I don’t think you’re ready yet. Are you?” 

Goro’s eyes shoot upwards. He’s shocked The Captain is giving up. He thought for sure there’d be more punishment…or teasing…until Goro’s mind completely evaporates and he has no choice.

Eerily, The Captain is smiling. “Don’t worry. We’ll get there.” He waves his hand in the air conspicuously. 

Tongues of red shadow emanate somewhere behind Goro. He can sense a presence—like someone else has just arrived—and he whips around to face it—

“Here I am, Captain. How can I be of service?” 

That—! 

That thing! It’s that despicable _thing_ wearing Goro’s face! The creature with the soulless eyes. A puppet and a mockery of human nature and free will! That…did Shadow Shido just summon him? 

“What the fuck is this?!” Goro spits a particularly nasty growl in his cognitive self’s direction. He fights hard against Shadow Shido’s grasp, trying to get away (he doesn’t want to be here if _he’s_ here too! That monster!) and failing. Shadow Shido grips him harder and grabs his other wrist too. Now he has both of Goro’s hands locked in an unbreakable hold behind his back.

The cognitive version of Akechi eyes the situation with muted interest. He glances from Goro’s (naked, trapped) form to The Captain’s. Eyes bouncing back and forth. 

He doesn’t seem distressed. Or even surprised. He just breaks into an easy, careful smile. Much more twisted than anything the real Goro could ever pull off. “You summoned me, sir?” 

“Yes. Thank you for always arriving so promptly, Akechi-kun.” Shadow Shido is praising him like they’re in the office! 

“You dirty fucking bastard!!” Goro screams. “I’ll kill you for this!” He fights with all his might to break free. He struggles and struggles in vain.

Shadow Shido continues his conversation over the din of Goro’s vulgar screams.“I have a task for you. Are you ready?” 

Cognitive Akechi gives him a prim bow. “Of course, Captain. Anything.” His black eyes flick back to Goro and shimmer. He looks…smug.

Goro’s words die for a moment. That look is creepy as hell. And what the hell does this lifeless doll have to be smug about?! He’s not even real! 

“What are you looking at?!” Goro cries. Meeting that creature’s eyes with nothing but contempt. His throat burns from screaming so much. “Go to hell, you freak!” 

“Now, now.” Seemingly reaching the end of his patience with Goro’s unruliness, Shadow Shido presses on the middle of his back. Forcing Goro’s face to the floor. Keeping him down. Silencing him. 

He turns back to Cognitive Akechi. “Strip.” 

“Yes sir.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the cognitive version of Akechi starts taking off his clothes. Diligently. Thoroughly. The robotic, confident way he does it (while Goro has no choice but to watch) is mesmerizing. From his gloves, to his blazer, to his pants…to his underwear, and even his socks. The cognitive version of Akechi takes it all off. Without even asking why. 

When he’s done, he stands naked in front of both of them and smiles. The moment he looks at The Captain, his cock (identical to Goro’s in every way, humiliatingly enough) rises. Just a glance at his Captain will do that to him. It’s…well, it’s actually unreal. 

“Sit in front of him, Akechi-kun.”

“Yes sir.” 

The cognitive version of Akechi comes to kneel directly in front of Goro. He knows what’s coming next, but it’s still horrifying when Shadow Shido lifts Goro by his wrists. Forcing him to face him. 

Face to face, it’s almost like looking in the mirror. Every feature of their faces is the same. The curve of every bone, the lilt of every strand of hair. It’s disturbing how similar they are…except for the eyes. The eyes are the big difference. The cognitive version of Akechi has no light in his eyes. They’re round and black and empty. 

And he looks so vaguely happy. 

Goro hates this creature’s guts. 

“Look at him, Goro,” The Captain whispers in his ear. “This is my most trustworthy, efficient tool. Obedient in every way. Subservient and honest, very willing to please. He’s my most precious asset. The only person in this world who can satisfy me.” 

What, but…?

A conflicted, confused expression twists Goro’s face. What does that mean?! Why can’t his brain put this together into a picture that makes sense?

“This is you.” Shadow Shido holds his chin in place so Goro cannot look away. “This is the person you really are. Or at least, part of you. A very important part.” 

“Tch!” Goro would smile if his mouth wasn’t being crushed. “I’m nothing like that crime against nature.” 

Shadow Shido sighs. Cognitive Akechi just blinks docilely. The words couldn’t offend him because he only cares for one person’s opinion. And that person is clearly not Goro.

“Earlier, you said you hated me,” Shadow Shido continues. “But that’s not really true, is it?” He speaks directly into Goro’s ear now. As intimate as possible. “The person you really hate is yourself. You hate yourself more than you could ever hate me. Isn’t that right?” 

An arrow. In his chest. Sticking out. Making him bleed. 

“Shut up…just shut up…” Fat tears well in Goro’s eyes. He doesn’t want to dignify those words with a response. He won’t!

…He doesn’t have to. The tears on his face are enough of an answer. 

“Akechi-kun. Go ahead.” 

Nodding, the cognitive version of Akechi holds out a hand and carefully brushes the tears away from Goro’s face. Just as Shadow Shido had done before. (Are they communicating with some kind of telepathy? It’s possible. They are technically the same cognition.) 

Cognitive Akechi’s face softens as he says, “You don’t have to hate yourself, Goro. I’m happy. I love being The Captain’s tool. I have a purpose and it’s wonderful. If you let yourself taste a little bit of that happiness, you won’t have to suffer anymore either.” 

It sounds like an initiation into a death cult. Goro would rather die than accept that! 

“I’m no one’s tool.” Goro knows that much at least. 

“I know.” Cognitive Akechi smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “But wouldn’t you like to serve him the way that I do?” 

“Touch yourself, Akechi-kun.” It’s an order from Shadow Shido. 

Immediately, the cognitive version of Akechi brings his hand down to his own cock and starts stroking himself. He goes fast, his cock already wet with slick from his building arousal.

“Slow down.” More orders.

Cognitive Akechi strokes himself slower. Following every direction. 

“Good. Keep that pace.” Shadow Shido kisses the side of Goro’s face while the cognitive version of him masturbates himself. “Watch him, Goro. See how much he loves it?” 

“Mmm…mmm!” Cognitive Akechi rocks his hips up into fist. Throwing his head back in pleasure. “Oh! Captain! It feels so good!” His knees slide apart and he stretches himself out in an obscene way, showing off every part of his body to the two people watching. “Captain! Please! Touch me more!” 

“Hm. Sounds familiar….” With a wave of Shadow Shido’s hand, the echoes from earlier are back. 

Echoes of when Goro got fucked by the real Shido. Just a few floors away from here.

“Please, please! Let me have your cock, Shido!”

“Please, I want you so bad, Captain…More!”

“Move! Please move!” 

“I love it! I want your cock too, Captain!” 

With their voices overlaid, Cognitive Akechi’s and the real Goro’s voices blend into one cacophonous cry. A single voice begging for Shido’s dick. 

“Please! I want it!” 

Eventually, Goro can’t even tell the difference. The words from his cognitive self’s mouth sound exactly like what Goro said that time. And the more he watches his identical self getting himself off, the more he wishes… His cock is getting harder and harder. It’s painfully hard now. Thick and heavy from unspent release. Dark red, almost purple. 

Goro wants to be touched so badly. He wants _Shido_ to touch him. That’s the man he really wants! He wishes…he wishes that real Shido were here instead of his shadow. He wishes that instead of being in the palace he was in Shido’s club. In his private room. Getting pounded in place of that sex worker. Instead of Cognitive Akechi. Instead of anyone else.

He wishes…

“…Papa…” The word slips out. Quiet and high-pitched. Like a kid would say it.

“That’s it.” Shadow Shido is pleased. He drops one of Goro’s hands and reaches around the front of him. Seeking out a nipple. He pinches and strokes it with insane accuracy. Ratcheting up the need inside Goro even more. “Keep going.”

It’s an order.

Cognitive Akechi keeps stroking himself and The Captain plays with his nipple like only a master can. Goro’s cock is in such a sorry state it hurts. He can barely think. The only thing he knows is that he wants…

“Papa…I want my papa…” 

His voice is barely recognizable even to his own ears. But, it’s his. It’s Goro’s. He said it. 

“Good. Very good.” Shadow Shido pinches his nipple hard as a reward. Goro’s answering cries fall on deaf ears. “Stop playing with yourself, Akechi-kun, and come here.”

Abruptly stopping, the cognitive version of Akechi comes back to kneel in front of Goro. They’re both much more aroused than they just were a moment ago. Their cheeks are flushed and they’re panting in each other’s face. 

“Kiss him.” 

It’s not clear who the order is for. But it doesn’t matter. Because they both follow it.

Kissing his cognitive self feels strangely just like kissing anyone. The cognition is shockingly real so he’s not physically distinguishable from any living person. He kisses his cognitive self over and over. His lips are soft and thin. Calm but precise. Matching each other. Symmetrical.

In that moment, it feels very good. 

As they start to enjoy it, they get sloppier. Their mouths open wide and their tongues come out. Licking each other’s faces. Searching. Cognitive Akechi moans openly, nibbling on Goro’s top lip. While Goro just grunts low in his throat. Distantly alarmed how much this is turning him on. 

“Touch each other.” 

There is too much heat between them not to follow that order. When Goro reaches for his cognitive self’s dick, he doesn’t even realize his arms are free. The Captain isn’t holding him anymore. He’s getting caught up in the moment. When he gets his hands on his cognitive self’s dick, the heat feels amazing. So satisfying! 

And when his cognitive self touches him…Goro thinks his brain shorts out. He’s been craving touch for so long—and this hand is just like his own! If he closes his eyes it feels like he’s masturbating! But he’s still kissing his other self and he can sense another human being in front of him. A dick in his hand (that also feels like his). It’s…a weird sensory overload. A hell of a trip.

But he ruts into Cognitive Akechi’s hand and moans for it. He’s loving it. And Cognitive Akechi does the same. So it’s not as embarrassing, since he’s not alone. 

He’s not alone. 

He wraps an arm around Cognitive Akechi. Holding him in place. Unreasonably afraid that he might disappear suddenly, leaving him unsatisfied. He doesn’t want to be alone. Being with someone who feels the same way he does—it’s a kind of salvation. It really is. 

“Ah, yes. Beautiful. You are both so beautiful.” The Captain stands alongside them. He puts a hand on each of their heads, burying fingers into the hair. Pushing their faces closer together. Forcing them to kiss each other harder. “My two perfect boys.” 

Cognitive Akechi stops kissing and turns to face The Captian. He speeds up his hand on Goro’s dick. Making him tremble. Shit, is he about to cum—? “I’m only perfect for you, Captain,” he insists. “No one else.” 

“That’s right,” Shadow Shido agrees. He leans in and kisses him while Goro watches. “But, it’s alright to share every now and then.” 

Cognitive Akechi looks to the side, his face scrunched. He doesn’t seem convinced. But then he shrugs and says, “If you say so, sir. I’ll do whatever you say.” 

Goro’s eyes roll back as he tries to withstand the pleasure from his cognition’s hand. His cognitive self hasn’t slowed down the pace at all. If he doesn’t stop soon Goro is going to cum all over both of them and then he’ll be the first one to cum—which is embarrassing—but—!

“Akechi-kun, stop. Don’t let him cum yet.” 

He drops Goro’s dick so fast Goro gets whiplash. He was on the threshold of an orgasm. In a way he’s thankful, for his dignity’s sake, but he’s also so frustrated he can actually taste something sour in his mouth. He can’t take this kind of treatment! Screaming again, he reaches for his cognitive self’s hand, trying to put it back on his cock—he just needs a little more! 

Cognitive Akechi steps out of his reach. “Follow your orders,” he scolds. Frowning at the idea that Goro seems to be disobeying.

“Fuck…” Goro is about to just jerk himself off, in fact he tries to, but Shadow Shido grabs his hands and instead gives him another order. 

“Get on your hands and knees, Goro. Right here.” 

In another world, Goro will take pride in the fact that he refuses. That he says to hell with all of this and just leaves. That he won’t play their games. That he is above it.

But that’s not what happens in this world. 

In this world, Goro drops right to his knees. He’s face to face with his cognitive self’s dick and he knows what he has to do. He licks his lips and prepares himself for the order.

Which comes after a moment’s pause, where Shadow Shido takes a second to enjoy the sight of Goro on his knees before Cognitive Akechi. “Suck him. Lick him well. Use your mouth the way you’ve always wanted to.” 

Stifling the cries of shame, Goro stuffs his cognitive self’s dick in his mouth. He’s given head before (more times than he’ll admit) and he knows how to do it. He sucks his cock halfway down and licks his shaft, the way men like. Cognitive Akechi thrusts into his mouth and Goro takes it. He’s fascinated by the taste of himself. And…the feeling of a cock in his mouth—no matter who’s—feels ridiculously good. He’s been wanting to be filled! This is another hole that is aching….his mouth…he wants his cognitive self to fuck his mouth harder!

He slobbers on Cogntive Akechi’s dick and whines in the back of his throat. Bobbing his head up and down. If he shows he’s eager then will The Captain…?

“That’s it, Goro. Let yourself feel it. That hunger. It’s good, isn’t it?” He does seem pleased!

Goro nods around his cognitive self’s cock. He loves a heavy dick on his tongue. He honestly does! 

“Answer our captain properly!” Cognitive Akechi scolds. He pulls Akechi’s mouth off of him. Giving him room to speak. “Use your words!” 

Goro’s tongue lolls out of his mouth. He wants more dick. It’s not fair if he doesn’t get to have it… 

His mind is completely broken. 

Without thinking, he says, “Yes, Captain. It…feels so good…” 

“Yes. Well done, Akechi-kun. Let him have your cock now.” Somewhere along the way, Shadow Shido has decided to be naked. So his clothes are gone. Naked like this, the only difference between him and Shido is their eyes. The Captain’s are bright yellow. 

“Yes sir.” Cognitive Akechi pushes his cock between Goro’s lips again and Goro moans in happiness. 

“Very good, Goro. Isn’t this better?” Shadow Shido kneels behind Goro and feels up the opening in the back of him. The place that’s been hungry since the beginning. Goro’s whole body heaves in pleasure when he’s touched there. It’s been over a month since the last time—! “Good things happen to you when you accept yourself. I’ll reward you for loving yourself as you should.”

Goro is so damn excited his elbows are giving out. He needs to lean on his cognitive self to stay in place. But his cognitive self does not seem pleased. He grabs him by the hair and pulls his face off of him again. 

“Thank our captain for being so generous with his rewards,” Cognitive Akechi orders. His tone is suspiciously familiar. 

Mind blurring, reaching futilely for his cognitive self’s dick, Goro repeats vacuously, “Thank you, Captain. Thank you for…rewarding me….”

“Hm.” The Captain sticks his fingers inside Goro. Drawing a long cry out of him. “It doesn’t sound too sincere, but. That’s alright. We’ll work on your gratitude later. For now, just focus on loving yourself.”

Once his mouth is full again, Goro can finally relax. Now, the only thing he needs is for his other hole to get some attention! He’s been waiting and he’s withstood all the teasing so well! Why won’t The Captain just give him his cock already?! 

He feels something hard and heavy poking him in the back. Oh, is that his reward? At last! Goro sticks his ass out and redoubles his efforts sucking his cognitive self’s dick. 

“Pull his face up for a moment, Akechi-kun."

“Yes sir.” 

Staring at his cognitive self, Goro hears orders behind him. He’s moments away from getting what he really wants, but they’re still denying him. Keeping him right on the edge…

“Look at him. Look at how beautiful you are, Goro. Following me. Letting yourself enjoy what I’m giving you.” 

Goro’s eyes go hazy as he stares at his cognitive self. Confused, seeing his real self for a moment. His own face. A version of him that is content. Something Goro has never been in his life. He wants…he wishes he could be like that. Happy. With his papa. Like these two are with each other. 

Sadness pierces his pleasure. Goro wants to believe he can be like this. Not with them, but with the real Shido. The man himself. The one who’s made him like this in the first place. Goro wants to be beautiful in the way that his cognitive self is—he wants to enjoy this like they do. 

He misses his papa again. It’s a hard and heavy weight in his stomach. He wishes Shido were here with him instead of these shadows…he wants Shido to hold him again. Just like—

“Aren’t you so beautiful, Goro?” Shadow Shido is still talking. “Say it. Tell me how beautiful you are.” 

Cognitive Akechi strokes Goro’s face while he stands in his line of sight. Smiling softly. Helping to coax the words out of him.

“I’m…” Goro’s mouth feels like it doesn’t belong to him. What is he saying? Who’s words are these? “I’m…b-beautiful…” 

That’s such a powerful word. He’s never considered it before now. But, then again, he’s never felt truly beautiful in his life. He doesn’t know what that feels like. Maybe some day he will. As he says that word, Goro realizes…he wants to know. He wants to feel beautiful like his cognitive self does.

He wants Shido to make him feel beautiful.

“There you go. Good boy. That wasn’t so hard, right?” Patting him on the ass as praise, Shadow Shido lines up his cock. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes!” Goro bends forward. Offering his ass. “Yes, please! I’m ready! Fuck me, Captain! Fuck me—Papa—!” 

Shadow Shido does. He enters Goro in a swift, breathless rush. Pushing straight to the center of him in one go. Stars flash before Goro’s eyes as his insides make room for The Captain. The enormity of this feeling—his deepest reaches, the place where Shido’s cock branded him for life—is too much for Goro to handle. He throws his head back and holds onto his cognitive self’s legs. Teetering close to the edge.

The Captain withdraws his cock. When he pushes in again, Goro cums. Just like that. As if he was wired to some kind of trigger and The Captain just fired a shot. He covers himself in cum and crumples at Cognitive Akechi’s feet, riding out the aftershocks in bliss. The Captain’s cock feels just like Shido’s and it’s _exactly_ what he’s been craving…

“Hey.” 

He feels someone tapping his face. Forcing him back to reality. “Wake up. Get back to work.” 

Dizzy and already fucked out, Goro sees a cock in front of his face. Without thinking, he sucks it. Of course it’s his cognitive self’s cock. The Captain’s is still inside. 

Yes. Stay. Stay with me.

Don’t leave me alone…

He follows all their orders. The Captain rides Goro like a beast. Like the god he proclaimed to be last time. Tireless and inspired. Goro cums and cums, trying his best to keep his cognitive self’s dick in his mouth. Every time he drops it, he gets scolded for not being diligent. So he tries harder. By the end, he has no energy left to suck with any kind of vigor, so he just keeps Cogntive Akechi’s dick in his mouth and lets it sit there. Thankful beyond all reason that The Captain is still fucking him. 

If The Captain wasn’t fucking him, then…

What would Goro have? 

Deep in his heart, even as he passes out from the sheer pleasure of being ridden by the dick he’s been ruined for, Goro knows this is only second best. He knows this is just the fantasy. Reality is out there waiting for him. Shido is still…Shido. 

He blacks out with The Captain still inside.

_____________________________________

“What happened to him?” 

Akechi-kun peers down at the unconscious form of his other self. The one who lives in reality. Goro, Shido’s son. The one The Captain just fucked into oblivion. Like he asked for. 

“He’s tired,” Shadow Shido explains. He pulls out of Goro and reaches for Akechi-kun. Beckoning him into his arms.

“After just that?” Akechi-kun frowns. “That was barely even one round.” 

The Captain chuckles. Very pleased with his tool’s performance throughout all of this. “I know. But humans are weaker than you. They are slaves to their physical bodies, which tire easily. Be patient with him.” 

Akechi-kun shrugs and sighs. “I guess.” Then he turns to his captain with a full grin on his face and huge eyes. “How was my performance? Did I do a good job?”

“Yes.” Shadow Shido kisses his cheek over and over again. Showering him with love. “You did wonderfully. I have to admit, even I was surprised by the initiative you showed with him. This side of you pleases your God in the extreme.” 

Akechi-kun beams. Overflowing with happiness. “I’m glad to hear that!” He blinks. Biting his lip. “So then…is it my turn now, Captain?”

That’s exactly what Shadow Shido wanted to hear. He’s already more than ready to go for another round. “Yes. Of course. Shall we?” 

While Shadow Shido fucks him, Akechi-kun asks to be reaffirmed in the special place he holds in Shadow Shido’s heart.

“No one can take your cock like I can! Right, Captain?” 

“You were thinking about me when you were with him, weren’t you? Even just a little bit?” 

“My hole is the one you really want. That’s okay, Captain, you can have it all the time! Forever!”

And Shadow Shido indulges him. He agrees to the things Akechi-kun says. After all, the boy has done a wonderful job.

He’s earned it.

_____________________________

It’s disorienting to wake up in a palace. There are hints and tricks that tell you this is not the real world. An unusual glow here. A hazy sensation there. The view of a drowned Tokyo from outside the nearest window. Subtle things. Right.

But it’s impossible to tell the passage of time. When Goro wakes up, he has no idea how long he’s been asleep. He’s in a bed he does not recognize.

The Captain is nowhere to be found. Instead, his cognitive self is sitting next to him on the bed. Staring off into space. What do cognitions do, Goro wonders suddenly, when they’re not in use? Do they just…? 

He tries to move and his whole body hurts. He’s exhausted and sore. Every part of him. 

“Oh you’re awake. Finally.” His cognitive self must have heard his groaning. He turns to him and offers a bottle of water. “The Captain told me you would need this. So, here.” 

Goro just stares at him. Images of what he just did with this cognition—his own self—flash before his eyes. How…how will he ever live this down? Even in his own mind? 

He doesn’t take the water bottle. 

Cognitive Akechi shrugs. “Suit yourself.” He waves his hand and the water bottle disappears into blackness. “Are you ready to leave, then?”

Goro forces himself to sit up. He nods. He’s afraid to speak. He doesn’t know what words will come out of his mouth if he does. 

“Good.” Cognitive Akechi is grinning that insane, disturbing grin of his. Evidently he’s glad to be rid of Goro. “Then, here are your clothes.” With the same metacognitive magic that took them, Goro’s clothes reappear. He stares down at the white prince uniform and is thankful to be clothed again at least. 

He feels…

He feels alright, actually. The humiliation he suffered here was at least limited to the palace. He got a good fuck out of it. The Captain really gave it to him. Goro feels satisfied. He knows, unfortunately, that the satisfaction won’t last for long. He knows that his heart is ruined. That there’s only one person who can ever fulfill him completely. 

But he can’t have him right now. So, this will do in the meantime. Goro will take it. 

Sighing heavily, he rises to his feet. 

“I will escort you to the palace entrance,” Cognitive Akechi announces. “Come with me.” 

That’s weird. Do they not trust him suddenly? What orders are these? Goro doesn’t know, but he does as he’s told. He follows his cognitive self to the front of the ship (trying his best not to be too obvious in the way he’s limping). 

“Here we are.” 

Goro turns to his cognitive self. He hasn’t said anything up to this point, and he doesn’t want to change that. So he nods ambiguously and heads for the exit. That’s all he needs. 

“Let me ask you something, Goro. If you don’t mind.”

Against his better judgement, Goro turns back around to face him. He stands there. Waiting for his cognitive self to get on with his question.

“Do you pity me?” 

His eyes are solid black when he says it. There is no hint of a soul anywhere in that face. He’s cold and unfeeling. He’s…nothing like how he was when they were fucking—

What the hell is this?

Goro’s face clouds. He doesn’t saying anything. Still.

But Cognitive Akechi nods anyway. “I see. I think you do pity me. You think I’m some poor creature that exists only because Shido willed me into existence. Correct?”

Well…yes. That’s true. But Goro knows he probably shouldn’t say that. He has no idea where his cognitive self is going with this. So he continues to stand silently. 

A twisted grin appears on Cognitive Akechi’s face. “But actually, Goro, I pity you as well. Your life is no more autonomous than mine. You’re alive because Shido is deciding he wants to keep you alive for now. Do you understand?” 

Understanding slowly drills into Akechi’s chest. He does understand. He sees it.

But just in case he doesn’t, Cognitive Akechi keeps going. “Shido is going to have you killed after the election is over. Of course. There’s no way he could keep a loose end like you alive.” 

The waves lap gently against the side of the ship. Neither of them say anything for some time. 

“You poor thing,” Cognitive Akechi says, shaking his head sadly. “You thought you could win this game, didn’t you? How sad.” 

Another long heartbeat stretches between them. 

Then, considering his work successfully done, Cognitive Akechi bows in farewell. “Goodbye.” He disappears in a smokey black shadow. 

Standing alone near the rail of the ship, Goro takes a deep breath. The water pounds against the sides of the ship. Tokyo floats by dismally. On a continuous loop.

This place will never change.

But. Something is changing, Goro realizes. Or something has changed. Inside of him. 

This place has changed him. 

**Author's Note:**

> *In case anyone is interested, [this is the enka song Shido sings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6BipjN7Qi0). It's "唐獅子牡丹 (Red Peony)" from the famous 1970s Hibotan Bakuto series. Ken Takakura sings this version and Ken Takakura is bae. So.


End file.
